How To Overcome Self-Consciousness | My Cancer Journey & Stoic Insights

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." — Seneca

Milla Morris & Open AI

I wholeheartedly agree. I certainly do...

I used to be an extremely shy girl, and later, a shy woman. Then cancer happened. The endless procedures, operations, rehabilitation, chemo... I even conquered London in an ambulance, after general operation, hooked up to tubes and masks, wearing a hospital gown open at the back for the whole world to see. I depended on others, worrying that I was too heavy, that I looked awful, and that someone might laugh or comment on my appearance.

But guess what? None of that ever happened. So many kind and loving people cared for me during the worst moments of my life—thank you, all of you! I realized how pointless my worries had been for so many years. Now, even though some procedures still feel undignified, I just don’t care. I understand now that, to doctors and nurses, I am just one of many. They’re doing their jobs, tired after long shifts, and eager to go home. They don’t care about my appearance. And neither does anyone else.

This is why I agree with Seneca. My shyness didn’t come from reality but from my own imagination. As a mother, it breaks my heart to see my kids grappling with the same insecurities I once had. I wish they’d listen to Seneca too.

His profound statement—"We suffer more in imagination than in reality"—captures a timeless truth about the human experience. It resonates with anyone who has ever been weighed down by self-consciousness in public. The fear that every glance is judgmental, that every whisper is about us—it can be paralyzing. But is this fear real, or just a figment of our imagination?

The truth is, most people are far too absorbed in their own lives to focus much on anyone else. Even if they do notice us, their opinions are just that—opinions, not definitive judgments of our worth. Understanding the difference between imagination and reality is key to freeing ourselves from the chains of self-imposed scrutiny.

What truly matters is within our control—our reactions and actions. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus wisely said, "You have power over your mind, not outside events." By focusing on what we can control, we empower ourselves to live more fulfilling lives.

Negativity, whether from others or within us, can be a heavy burden. But it's important to remember that negativity often says more about the person expressing it than it does about us. Walking away from negative influences and refusing to let them disturb our inner peace is an act of self-care and strength.

Confrontation is inevitable in life, but how we respond to it defines us. Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic emperor, once said, "The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." By rising above pettiness and refusing to stoop to the level of those who wrong us, we preserve our dignity and integrity.

In the end, true strength doesn’t come from controlling every external factor—it comes from mastering our responses to them. By focusing on our mindset and actions, we build resilience and find peace within. This is the essence of Stoic wisdom, a philosophy that teaches us to keep calm, keep growing, and continue our journey of self-improvement.

So, as we part for now, remember: Care about what God thinks of you. And I am 100% sure He loves, cares for you, and thinks about you better than you do. Care about your own opinion of yourself—do everything you can to think well of yourself. The rest is just noise. Please, do not suffer because of noise!