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How to Stop Being Hurt by What Other People Do: A Stoic Answer

A harsh word stings for a second. The judgment we build around it can last much longer — days, weeks, even years. Marcus Aurelius wrote about choosing not to be harmed, not because pain isn’t real, but because most suffering begins in the space between the event and our interpretation. This piece explores how to navigate that space. A harsh word passes quickly. What lingers is our shaping of it— the shadow we permit, or the light we return to, where the self stands unbroken and the world grows simple again. “Choose not to be harmed, and you won’t feel harmed.”   — Marcus Aurelius The first time I read this sentence, I was angry at it. It sounded like an insult to everyone who has ever been wounded. Someone says a cruel thing across the kitchen table, and the emperor tells me to choose otherwise, as if pain were a coat I could decline to wear. You have never been betrayed by someone you loved, Marcus, I thought. You were busy with legions and rivers. But he had been betrayed. He...
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Epictetus: From Chains to Wisdom

Imagine being born into slavery and rising to become one of the most influential philosophers of your time. This is the remarkable story of Epictetus, a Stoic whose teachings continue to inspire us today. Born around 50 AD in Hierapolis (modern-day Pamukkale, Turkey), Epictetus’s journey from slavery to sage hood is nothing short of extraordinary.

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Early Life and Challenges

Epictetus was born into slavery and spent his early years serving a wealthy Roman named Epaphroditus. Despite his low status, Epictetus had a burning desire for knowledge. His master allowed him to study philosophy, and he became a student of Musonius Rufus. This education laid the foundation for his future teachings.


The Philosophy of Stoicism

For Epictetus, Stoicism was not just a set of ideas but a way of life. He believed that while we cannot control external events, we can control our reactions. This core principle of Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can change and accept what we cannot. Epictetus emphasized that true freedom comes from within and that our happiness depends on our actions and attitudes.


Key Teachings

Epictetus’s teachings were recorded by his student Arrian. These are found in two main works: the “Discourses” and the “Enchiridion” (or “Handbook”). Here are some of his key ideas:

  • Control and Acceptance: Epictetus taught that we should distinguish between what is within our control and what is not. By accepting what we cannot change, we can achieve inner peace.
  • Virtue and Character: He believed that the foundation of a good life is virtue, which includes wisdom, courage, justice, and self-discipline.
  • Practical Philosophy: Epictetus emphasized that philosophy should be practical and guide our daily actions. It is not just about theoretical discussions but about living a virtuous life.


From Rome to Nicopolis

Epictetus’s teachings gained popularity in Rome, but in 93 AD, Emperor Domitian banished all philosophers from the city. Epictetus moved to Nicopolis in Greece, where he founded a school of philosophy. His school attracted students from all over the Roman Empire, eager to learn from the wise philosopher.


The Legacy of Epictetus

Epictetus’s influence extends far beyond his lifetime. His teachings have inspired countless individuals, including the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, who often referred to Epictetus in his writings.


A Timeless Wisdom

Epictetus’s life and teachings remind us that true strength comes from within. No matter our circumstances, we have the power to choose our responses and cultivate inner peace. As we navigate the challenges of modern life, we can look to Epictetus for guidance and inspiration. I do, what about you?

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Image: "Senator of Ancient Rome" by Cristofolux from Getty Images licensed by Canva, Quote: from www.goodread.com.

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